Would you do it again

I have had a lot of people lately ask me about our experience hosting an exchange student. The question that is always asked is will you do it again. The natural assumption is that if you had a good experience, of course you would want to do it again. But my response is No, I don't think we will do it again.

Like a lot of things, I don't think the sequel would be nearly as exciting or fulfilling. Our year with Pete worked due to a combination of things that will never happen again.


I don't know what we would have done without Ross. He was the driver, the confidant, the big brother, the spoiler. He and Pete became quite close during the year. We knew they had connected when Ross started blaming Pete for things left undone or laying around. Pete helped expand Ross' world and Ross expanded Pete's world.

What can I say, Pete is an exceptional kid. From the first day he stepped off the plane until the day he left he was open to new experiences. He was flexible, and yet wasn't afraid to give his opinion. Right from the start he seemed to blend into our family, opening our hearts and minds to new perspectives and ideas.

We got a letter the other day from YFU. There were a number of kids who were waiting for a "home". The plea was to commit to take someone for 6 weeks so they could be enrolled in school and give YFU time to find another home. We knew darn well that the hope (and probable reality) was that the kid would end of staying the whole year.

Mark was looking over the profiles and saw a Finnish girl who "loved to garden, walk the dog and house clean". She would be perfect for us, he joked. Yes, we do have the space with Ross at college, but the room in our hearts are full with the 3 boys we have.

Can you give me a ride?

One of the things that we really didn't think about before Pete came was transportation. Exchange students are not allowed to drive while in the United States. Even if Pete was allowed to drive, I am not sure we could have handled another teen age driver. Because of this, we spent quite a bit of time transporting him from one location to another. Pete made friends very easily and often when he called for a ride, we would end up driving 3, 4 or 5 other kids home.

At first, this proved quite a challenge. Minnetonka was new to all of these kids and geography wasn't a strong point either for them or me. When asked where they lived, often the response was "by the school" which could mean any one of the 15 or so schools in the area. "By the big highway" was another challenge. I can say that one prerequisite of being a host parent must be to live in an out of the way hidden location! I saw quite a few new neighborhoods that I never knew existed before. We had to resort to calling the host parent once in a while to find out the exact location, but eventually we all figured it out. By January, everyone had a pretty good idea of where they lived, which made the rides much less stressful.

I really enjoyed the kids conversations during these rides. It would give me a chance to hear how their experiences were going - some good, some not as good, and their perspective on America in general and Minnetonka specifically. The debates were often lively and heated, especially when comparing home countries and customs.

We put a lot of miles on the car during the year, but it was a time that was filled with laugher and enjoyment.

Setting Sail

I ran across this last year when my oldest son Ned was going off to college. It seems even more appropriate for sending Pete back home to Finland.

A FINAL GIFT: LETTING GO

(to a teen leaving home)

Boats in the harbor are safe near shore

Far from the unknown sea,

But just as boats were made for more,I

t's the same with you and me.

Those who would anchor their teen with a stone

In hopes of preventing a wreck,

Find that their fears are never undone

And the stone ends up weighting both necks.

So I give to you a port called home

Where your ship was built so strong,

And if you need to harbor here,

You know that you belong.

And I give to you the maps you'll need

That you may set the course

For places that I'll never see,

So go without remorse.

Tilting your sails into the wind

With hope, and vision and courage--

I kiss you once, then touch your chin

And wish you bon voyage!

-Michael H. Popkin

See you later, not goodbye

We dropped Pete off at the airport this morning. It was a day we knew was coming for a long time, but like everything, it seems like time speeds up just when you don't want it to. This morning was a rush, trying to get everything together. We got to the airport in plenty of time. When we got to the ticket counter, the bags were overweight, not a surprise since Pete had to use all of his muscle to get the thing closed. We had to switch things from the suitcase to the hockey bag, once that was completed, we had to switch some things back in order to get the right weight for both bags. By the end, we were both sweating.

We took a few pictures, said hello to a couple of Pete's friends who came to say goodbye. All too soon, it was time for us to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to someone who entered your home as a stranger and is leaving as part of your family? A quick hug can't convey the depth of emotion you feel as you realize it will be quite a while before you see each other in person again.

Later, when I got home, I opened the cupboard door to look up a neighbor's phone #. Pete had left the following message on our phone list:

Pete mentioned that it was much easier leaving Finland in August then leaving Minnesota. I agree. It was much easier to welcome a stranger then to say goodbye to a son.

Welcome Home!

Pete comes home today from his East Coast trip. It has been a long 2 weeks for all of us. We have gone through so much here at home, and Pete has experienced so much on his trip. It will be good to get together and compare notes. In some ways, it seems so much longer.

Ross completed finals, went through graduation ceremonies, we had his graduation party, said hello and good bye to out of town relatives, attended several other graduation parties, painted went to Valpo in Indiana for college orientation.

In the meantime, Pete went to Chicago, Nashville, Orlando, DC, Philadelphia, New York and Pittsburgh. We communicated via text messaging and a quick phone call. He got sick during his trip (thank goodness for nurses and medicine).

Both of them traveled far in both miles and experiences. Hard to believe that soon both of them will be leaving, Ross for college and Pete for Finland.

Coming Full Cycle

Friday evening Mark, Pete and I drove to the airport, the meeting point for his East Coast Trip. As we were pulling up to the baggage claim area, I couldn't help but flashback 10 months when we made the same trip to pick him up. Pete and I sat in the chairs at the baggage area, waiting for the others on the trip to arrive. We had arrived early, so we had plenty of time to pace. Just like when we picked him up, he was very quiet, withdrawn and a little pale. Even when a couple of kids who were going on the trip joined us, he did not say a lot. I was the one asking about their experience so far (Great, both had host families in Denver). When would they be returning etc. Pete sat mute in his chair. Finally, the tour guides came by. There was another group that was waiting by door 4 not carousel 4 per the directions. When they were getting ready to leave, I gave Pete a quick hug. He gave me a look similar to a kindergarten facing his first day at school - you aren't actually thinking of leaving me with these strangers, are you?

I was reassured to get a text message from him today, that he was having fun, meeting friends but spending too much time on the bus. Look forward to hearing about his trip, but not looking forward to the trip back to the airport in a couple of weeks when we will send him back home to Finland.

The Long Goodbye

I was taken aback today when someone said "Well, July is just a month away." Where has all the time gone? It literally seems like just a couple of months ago that we were preparing for Pete's arrival. And now we are preparing for his departure. Sure, his leaving date isn't until June 19th, but he is leaving tomorrow for a 2 week bus trip through the south and east coast and then will be home for 2 days before heading back to Finland.

Although it will be hard to say goodbye, the biggest adjustment will be for him. Ned will get his room back. Ross will start picking on Ned instead of Pete and I will have to readjust the food amount I cook, but these are all minor compared to what Pete will be facing.

We are returning a completely different son and brother to his family. The room that he kept neat as a pin when he first came, has drawers open, clothes spilling out and an unmade bed. Pictures and momentous adorn the bookshelves, pictures of his Finland and American family stand side by side. Like his room, Pete has spilled out of his boundaries since he has been here. He has become excitable, talkative and loud. He smiles more and isn't afraid to voice his opinion whether it is what is on TV or whether you can drive to the High School only making left turns.

My hope is that he will be able to take his experiences here and share them with family and friends. That although America has some problems, we aren't afraid to face them head on. We aren't afraid to show our emotions, both the good and the bad and that we aren't afraid to open ourselves to new opportunities. And hopefully, he will be able to share how much fun we had.

He will always have a place in our home. The key that we gave him when he first arrived will go home with him, a tangible reminder that he has people here who care for him. That he will always be a part of our family, no matter how far away he goes.

To Do List

I ran across this list today. Obviously I had written it out either before Pete came or sometime shortly after it.

Hollidqzzle Parade - Never quite made it. Too busy with hockey or too cold
Duluth - He went with the hockey team for a holiday tournament. Not sure how much he saw of it other then the rink.
A Christmas Carol - Never made it, again, hockey (are your starting to see a trend)
Chlcago - Yes, we went in October. Had a great time, Michigan Avenue, Hancock Tower etc. Great weekend!
Wild game - Pete went several times and really enjoyed it
Gopher game - don't remember if he did this, but he did skate at Mariucci where the Gophers Men's hockey play.
Winter Carnival - Nope, of course our kids have never been there with the exception of a quick drive by when they had the huge Ice Castle.
State Fair - We did this the first week he was with us. Looking back, it was probably pretty overwhelming for him. This teeming mass of humanity. Did see a stuffed Buffalo with a sign around it "Hi, my name is Pete"
MOA (Mall of America) - definitely, Pete has probably been there more times then I have.
Ice flshing - Nope, of course we have never been ice fishing either

I guess we have done quite a few things with Pete. He has also been to several school dances, including the prom, been in the homecoming parade, played in the Jr. Gold State Hockey tournament (second place!), gone to more movies then he probably watched all his life and met some really great people. All in all, not a bad year.

A Word by any other Name

after living with Pete for 9 months now, I can say I understand 95% of what he is saying. Which is pretty good since I can only understand my own kids 90% of the time. Case in point. Yesterday afternoon, Ross dropped Pete off at the Mall of America. It was getting close to dinner time, so I called him (of course he didn't pick up) and asked him when he would be home and if he wanted to go to dinner with us. He text messaged me back and said he was at a movie, pick him up at 6:30 p.m. I called him back and asked him what entrance. If you have never been to the mall, it has about 125 entrances, none of them clearly marked. He texted me back and said "Where Ross dropped me off". I called Ross, and he couldn't really remember, thought it was by the Lego display. Called Pete and asked him, where he was - by the big MOA sign. Great, now we are down to two entrances. We finally did connect, after about 500 laps around the mall - who needs to worry about gas mileage.

I was reading this article about the Finish Language . I had to laugh at the sentence The word for "no" is "aye", which means yes in English. My husband Mark is Canadian so he says "aye" all the time, usually a catch all for "what did you say" or "you've got to be kidding" or " whatever". Come to think of it, Aye means the same in just about any language.

Rugby Old Chap?

Yesterday, I spent the morning, in the cold rain watching a Rugby game. I heard one of the players say quite seriously "What a great day for Rugby." Since Rugby was started in England, it was a true statement. I am not a neophyte to the sports world. With two teenage sons, I have been to more sporting events and watch more sports on TV then I care to admit. I am not sure how Rugby was able to stay off my radar screen for so long, and quite frankly, I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

Rugby first came into our lives several weeks ago. At the dinner table, Pete announced he wanted to play Rugby. I have to admit, my husband Mark and I exchanged the same glance that countless parents have given each other the - "he must get it from your side of the family look". My apprehension deepened when I read the waiver that mentioned serious injury or death. Oh, my. After getting his parents permission (when he got the broken leg or concussion, we wanted to be able to point to them as the consenting)

The game of Rugby started in Rugby England at Rugby School when William Web Ellis picked up the ball in a soccer match and dared his opponents to tackle him. What a concept. True to its origins, this is basically what rugby is about. To be honest, it reminded me a lot of when my son was 5 years old and playing soccer. You couldn't always see the ball, but you always knew where it was because of the mass of kids that moved around the field like a lumbering bumble bee.

It was like a slow moving choreographed dance, this mass of manhood, running in the rain. By the end of the hour, the sparkling white shorts were an ugliest grey color. Coming to the car, covered in mud from head to toe, the only white showing was his huge smile, I realized that Rugby truly was a boys sport - a sort of catch me if you can and then throw me down, so to speak. I may never understand the rules, but I do understand the camaraderie and the pure enjoyment the players bring to the sport.

It's time to go home?

Amazing, how quickly you become attached to someone. Petri has only been with us a little over 5 months, but it seems like he has always been a part of our life. Although he will always be a part of our life, it is hard to imagine when he won't be here with us. We got a rude awakening yesterday in the form of a letter from YFU stating his return date was June 19,2006. "Well, that can't happen," was my first thought, "He will still be on his trip." Pete is going on a 15 day trip to the East Coast with other Exchange students to see Chicago, Washington DC, New York City and all the sites in between. Looking at the calendar, I realized he would be back, but only for a day.

We always knew he was going to leave, just having it written in black and white was a shock. We talked it over, he would like to stay longer. Although we know we are postponing the ineviable, it is nice to know we don't have to let go quite yet.